Paging Dr. Bean

I told you guys earlier that I babysit. Well the two boys have a tendency to be a little rambunctious (i.e. try to kill each other on a fairly regular basis). I spend a lot of my time saying things like, "no hitting...stop wrestling...don't throw your sister" it can be exhausting.

Anyway, the other day I'd made the "stop acting like crack heads" announcement about 5 times before it was time to leave for school. As the boys were putting on their shoes, Wrasslin says to Zookeeper, "you kicked me in the leg" to which Zookeeper defends with, "you punched me in the stomach"...followed by a chorus of whiny "no I didn'ts" from both boys. At this point, I'd only had ONE cup of coffee and was no longer in the mood for politically correct, socially acceptable parenting/caregiving tactics. I was not in a place where I could sit them down and lovingly express how when they fight they could hurt one another, how it's important to be sweet to your siblings and protect them not injure them. No, it was early, I was low on caffeine and "kind words". What I did was look at them both and say, "I don't care! I don't care if one of you knocks the head off the other...I warned you to stop fighting. So, when blood starts gushing from one of your bodies, don't come running to me because I will NOT give you a wash cloth, paper towel, piece of toilet paper or a bandaid...you'll just stand there bleeding till you're empty!".
As they stared at me like I'd grown three more heads, I turned on my heels to stomp off in a show of utter disgust and dang near knocked over Bean. She was standing with her hands on her hips and had a very stern look on her face. I said, "what?", in my most "don't mess with me right now" tone and she raised her eyebrows at me and says, "Momma, just because somebody doesn't listen does NOT mean you can just let them bleed to death!". I said, "put your dang shoes on and go to school"...and I went to the bathroom to laugh. I hear her telling the boys, "I know where the band aids are"...how am I supposed to keep order around here if the 6 year old undermines my authority? Oh well, off to buy band aids...

The Force is Strong in The Bean

I need to preface by letting you know that, among other things, I babysit kids (don't laugh). I have three siblings that come every morning before school and eat breakfast. The morning conversation is always interesting and usually entertaining but this particular conversation almost made me shoot coffee out of my nose.

The kids had brought donuts on this particular morning and they are all at the table bragging about how many each of them can eat. The oldest boy, Zookeeper, says he can eat 4. The middle boy, Wrasslin, says he can eat 6. The little sister, Blanket, says she can eat 200, to which Bean replies, "you can't even count to 200". Blanket says, "I can count to 10" to which Bean replies, "we'll that's not the same now is it?"

Bless Blanket's little heart, the sarcasm was lost on her but I was jumping up and down on the inside. It was at that
moment that I was sure that my baby is going to wield the sword of sarcasm with great power and that makes me very proud.

Here We Go Again...

So I've finally figured out that I can blog from my phone...woo hoo!!

A LOT has happened over the last year...My Honey is no longer my husband so his name will be changed to "NA"...Baby Girl is 15, Bug is 9 and Bean is 6 and they are all beautiful and smart!! Bean has her Momma's sense of humor and Baby Girl makes me proud with her fluency in sarcasm. Bug is growing into a beautiful young lady and I'm very grateful that her mother and I are such good friends because I will always want to be a part of her life.
I'm no longer in the corporate world but still live in my tiny town and love it! Now that I know how to do this from my phone, posts will be frequent as there is always something happening around here. You will meet new people and learn of new adventures...some at The Walmart...of course.
So buckle up folks...let the games begin!

I AM CONNECTED!!!!

Finally, after two years of not having Internet service at home I am back online!!! So much to tell, so many stories and pictures. Get ready guys, I've got tons to post!!

I know......you missed me

So, It's only been about a year or so since I last posted. You wouldn't believe all that has happened and I don't know where to start so I will just give a brief summary to get you caught up.

Baby Girl aka CH1, tried her best to flunk 7th grade last year. Thankfully she managed to pass and is now working to flunk 8th grade. Apparently, she has an intense adversion to the written portion of her school work and her locker is the black hole of Cerro Gordo. I have a meeting with all her teachers today and I plan to clean out her locker, without her knowledge, prior to said meeting so that I can get to the truth of her claims that she's done all her work, it's just lost in the abyss.

Bug is in 1st grade and going to be an actress. She has developed a skill for creating new languages that only she speaks and tries to teach them to the rest of us......yeah, I'm not catching on very well. She also has a new baby sister on her mom's side and informs me that she is "a lot of work".

Bean.....oh where to I begin? Bean is the boss of my house. She does not like to wear clothes except for tank tops and tights....and a tail. She decides everyday what animal she is that day, ususally a kitty, and we are to address her as such. She has adopted the two teenage boys next door (Dude and Tackle) and they are informed daily that they are her boyfriends. She has gone so far as to run Tackle's actual girlfriend off the porch by informing her that she could not come to her house and talk to HER boyfriend.

Dude is the 18 year old boy that lives next door. He is a Senior this year and plays football. He's a good kid that is always willing to help with whatever I need (fetching dogs in the rain, babysitting Kenna, etc.).

Tackle is the 16 year old brother of Dude and he is the object of Baby Girl's complete attention. He is a Sophmore and also plays football. He is also a good kid and he always makes sure to put the water on when he drinks the last glass of tea. Basically, Nic and I have adopted the boys and they are a daily fixture at our house.

Dude has a girlfriend, Baby Bear, and she is such a cutie. She is also a member of our "extended" family and always sends me a text before she goes to bed at night to tell me she is home safe. Just love my Baby Bear.

Honey is working at the restaraunt in town so he walks to work and is home before the kids' bedtime every night. He loves it and therefore I love it. He still spoils me rotten and reminds me everyday how glad I am that he is my husband.

I've been sucked in to the world of Facebook......don't have a clue what I'm doing but I've managed to put some pictures out there and "update my status" just like a pro....I think. Heck, for all I know I'm sending text messages to terriost....

So, now you are all caught up on the family. I am getting ready for Black Friday and promise to post my adventure as it's always a source of humor. Stay tuned.......

OMG...I'm still alive

Holy crap...I'm not dead. I am loving life in small town USA with my awesome Honey and my great kids. However, I have soooo much to share. I will be posting all the latest very soon. I have a whole new group of folks that have just discovered this blog and they are anxiously awaiting stories from my life....God help us all!!

I'm still here

My Brother - The Rock Star

I haven't mentioned it yet (since I haven't been on here in a year) but my baby brother is in a band now. Please check them out (http://www.myspace.com/nuttinfancyband). They have been playing all over town down there in the good ole South. I know I'm biased but they really are good and worth a trip out. He's the lead singer (we didn't even know he could sing until about 2 years ago). Plus - he's REALLY pretty so check them out if you get a chance.

They Haven't Killed Me Yet

Don't pass out - it's really me!

Since we've moved SO much has happened. The good news is that I am NOT dead (as some have eluded to). We just bought a "new" house in Cerro Gordo and are working hard to get it fixed up so that we can move "to town". If My Honey and I make it through this without involving a divorce attorney I think we will last forever.

Since my last post (almost a YEAR ago) Bug has started Pre-K, Bean is almost 2 and Baby Girl has started Middle School (and her period - so glad she doesn't read this). We've adopted a friend for Snow Boy (her name is Roxie) and I have managed to stay out of the Piatt County News!

We have discovered that Bean is alergic to Oranges, Bug is alergic to the work "no" and Baby Girl is alergic to doing dishes. My Honey and I are reminded on a daily basis that we are "no fair" and have come to the conclusion that there is a strong possibility that Baby Girl may have to have a full set of dentures before Junior High (cause I'm going to be forced to knock her teeth out). We have also discovered that wallpaper put up in 1915 doesn't come down easily, having 3 kids in a construction zone may contrubute to achoholism and that "please help me by watching your sister for a minute" equals "get on your cellphone and wander outside" to an 11 year old.

I have begun to use phrases that I'd sworn off as a child like "because I said so", "I'll give you something to cry about", "I don't care what the other kids are doing" and "don't hug me it's too hot". I have also added a few new ones that I seem to use everyday - "where is your diaper", "please Lord tell me that's chocolate on your hands" and "one day they are going to find me running naked and screaming through the timber if you people don't LEAVE ME ALONE".

I must say that I still really love it up here but I do miss some of the things you only find in Memphis. Like, not once have I found an obiturary up here for anyone named "Junebug" or "Main Man". I have yet to pull up to a drive-thru and had to rely on my ebonics training to decipher what the person was saying on the speaker. Not one of our politicians have been appointed by God. There hasn't been one murder, rape, home invasion and not one child has died in a hot car/van here in Oakley. I can finish the crossword puzzle in "one smoke" and was forced to eat fresh corn from the fields just last week. I am now required to sit on the porch and eat watermelon with the entire family at least one Sunday a month and my kids can play outside without fear of being hit by a car, kidnapped or shot. I'm telling you - the more I think about it the more I wonder what I was thinking moving up here.

I have a ton of stories to tell and I will be posting them more regulary now that I have a good Internet connection. I promise they will be worth the wait.

Thanks to everyone that has inquired about my mortality. I know that's it's hard to believe but they haven't killed me............yet!