I Can't Get Anything Done

I heard you missed me..........I'm back.

I mentioned before that I believe I have ADD. I have not been diagnosed but I have done some research and I think ADD is the only explanation for my poor time management skills and my general inability to carry even the most simple of tasks from beginning to end the 1st time I attempt it. For instance – right now I have about 7 incomplete rants saved that I just can’t seem to finish and post. I don’t know why – it’s not like I have to research this stuff or something. Let me tell you about a day I had not long ago and you can be the judge.

A few weekends ago I’d vowed to spend my Saturday CLEANING my house and doing the 400 loads of laundry created by my loving family (that’s the topic of one of the unfinished rants). I get up bright and early, put on a pot of coffee and retrieve my paper from the front yard. Now, I NEED my “morning time” in order to function. I sit on the patio, take 7 minutes off my life, sip coffee and read the paper. If I’m lucky and everyone else is still asleep, I get to work the crossword puzzle in peace. So, I go out to begin my “morning time” and get my game plan together. I grab a pencil and make a list (I LOVE to make lists) of everything I want to accomplish.

Laundry
Clean Kitchen
Mop Floor
Dust
Run Vacuum
Clean Bathrooms
Fold and PUT AWAY all laundry
Change sheets on all beds

No problem. I let Salty out and I read the paper while my coffee brews. I go in the house, pour a cup of coffee, put a load of clothes in the washer and head back to the patio to work my puzzle (it’s only 7:30am). I switch the dogs – Nugget out, Salty in. I find my puzzle and fold it into the precise rectangle needed to enable me to work it to completion. If it is askew in anyway I will surely mess it up within the first 5 clues – it’s true, and if you don’t believe me, ask my mother. I have my coffee and my puzzle and I am ready to get started. No pen! Someone had removed my designated crossword puzzle pen from my designated pen “spot” on the patio table. I get up to get a pen; I let Nugget in and Snow out and proceed to the kitchen where I keep my “pen stash”. As I enter the kitchen, I see that Snow has knocked over the trash. I curse under my breath (because I don’t want to wake anyone else just yet) and pick up the trash. I put the garbage back in the can and tie up the bag so it can go outside. When I remove the bag, there aren’t any extra bags in the bottom of the can so I go to the sink to get more. We’re out, so I make a mental note to buy trash bags. I start a “Wal-Mart list” and put Kitchen Trash Bags at the top. While I was under the sink I also noticed that I was low on Mr. Clean so I added it to the list. I then began going around the house to check for other things that I could put on my list. Light bulbs, bathroom spray, paper towels, aluminum foil, freezer bags, fabric softener and shaving cream made the list. I get dressed to head to Wal-Mart. I call my neighbor (Nana) to see if she needs anything – she needs Milk – put that on the list. I go out to the patio to get my smokes and see my other list. I go back in the house and put the clothes in the dryer and start gathering another load for the wash. I start the washer and notice some of Baby Girl’s clothes hanging in above the dryer. Make a mental note to have her put them away when she gets up. I go back to my bedroom to get my shoes and decide that I don’t like what I am wearing. I change clothes and pick up the band aid wrappers on the bathroom counter and pitch them in the trash. I brush my hair. While brushing my hair, I notice I’ve got a few straggly eyebrow hairs so I grab my tweezers and yank those out. By this time, Honey is up and I give him the rundown of what I need to do that day. He asks me to join him on the patio and have a cup of coffee before I head to Wal-Mart – I oblige.

I pop my now cold cup of coffee in the microwave and decide to unload the dishwasher while I wait. Before I open the dishwasher, I notice the plant on my window sill is looking a little haggard – I water it which makes me think that we hadn’t had much rain and the outside plants probably need some water too. I open the door and share my revelation with Honey who agrees and gets up to get his watering can. He asks me to come and look at some of his flowers that are starting to bloom and I oblige.

He decides he’s going to water the lawn and heads out front; I sit down at the patio table and start looking at my puzzle – still no pen. I head back in the house to get my pen and my coffee that I’d forgotten in the microwave. I restart the microwave and answer the phone – it’s Diamond. “Can you watch the boys for a little while this afternoon so I can run blah, blah, blah?” Sure thing – I get off the phone and go back outside to tell Honey to remind me I need to keep the boys at 2p. We discuss my inability to say no for a minute and then I return to the patio – still no pen. Back in the house – switch Snow with Nugget and grab a Diet Coke out of the fridge.

Baby Girl is now nested on the couch with cartoons on the big screen. I talk to her for a minute and she makes her breakfast request – muffins. I go back to the kitchen, mix up the muffins and get the muffin pan out of the dishwasher. I put the muffins in the oven and begin unloading the rest of the dishes. I get the bottom rack put away when the phone rings again – it’s Nana. I haven’t been to Wal-Mart yet so I don’t have her milk. She says no problem – she’s got to get some other stuff and she’s leaving now for Kroger. I get off the phone about the time the muffins are ready. I butter the muffins and call Baby Girl to the table. We discuss the fact that she has clothes to be put away and she needs to clean her room. She nods her head but never takes her eyes off the T.V.

I return to the kitchen to find Salty standing on the dishwasher door. I shoo her off and close the door. Now I’m hungry. I steal one of Baby Girl’s muffins, inhale it and head to the bathroom. While in the bathroom, I spray the sink and tub with Scrubbing Bubbles and gather towels for the wash. I start to make the bed but remember I need to change the sheets. I head to the linen closet. When I open the door I realize that I really need to straighten up this closet. I get the overflowing medicine basket out of the top and start going through it and throwing away expired stuff. The phone rings so I sit the basket on the counter and go find the phone – it’s Mother. She is calling to make sure that Diamond had gotten a hold of me about keeping the boys. Obviously I wasn’t the first choice but Mother was busy that day………obviously doing the crossword puzzle because she bragged that she was already finished with it. I get off the phone – I am in the kitchen – I grab a pen (Ha, Ha!) and head to the patio to take another 7 minutes off my life. It is now about 11a. I work two clues when CH 2 comes through the back yard and wants to know if her partner in crime is up. I direct her to the den but she doesn’t leave before she tells me about her kittens – she loves those dang cats. I talk to her for a minute and she finally goes in the house. Honey comes around the corner and sits down – he’s been working hard in the yard and is sweaty. I grab him a coke and we sit and talk for a few minutes. He goes back to his yard – I go back in the house.

Baby Girl is now dressed in her bathing suit because that is her favorite “weekend outfit”. I ask what they are planning to get into – they say they are going to pour water on the trampoline and jump – sounds good to me. I grab Baby Girl a towel from her linen closet and send her out the door. I go into her bathroom and pick up the PJs she just took off and notice the globs of toothpaste she’s left in the sink ………again. I grab the scrubbing bubbles and spray her sink, tub and toilet. It was then that I remembered I had done the same to my bathroom. I decided to let Baby Girl’s bathroom “soak” for a minute and headed to my bathroom to finish cleaning.

As I pass through the living room – Salty is standing in the middle of the coffee table chewing on one of Baby Girl’s books. I knock her off the table and take the mutilated book to the kitchen to throw it away. There is not a bag in the garbage can because we are still out so I take it outside and put it in the big green can. I switch Nugget with Salty and sit down at the table. I have to stay outside with Salty or she just stands there and barks. I work 3 more clues on my puzzle and I hear Nana calling from her yard for me to come and see what she’d bought for her patio and I oblige.

I return home and realize that it is almost 2p and I need to go keep the boys. I tell everyone I’m leaving, kiss my Honey and hop in the car. I get to Diamond’s house at straight up 2 o’clock. She leaves around 2:30p to do her running. I am with the boys for the next 3 hours. They are so cute – I just love them. Diamond gets home and I leave.

I arrive home to a patio full of neighbors. Obviously it’s been decided that we are grilling tonight. I go in and change clothes because Cranky spit up all over me. I return to the patio and put my puzzle away. I enjoy my company and Honey cooks a wonderful meal. Once we finish eating I begin to clean up. I realize we still don’t have trash bags because I never made it to Wal-Mart.

I send Baby Girl to take a shower and she returns to tell me that there is some kind of “grunge stuff” all over her bathroom. Ahhh…..dried Scrubbing Bubbles. I grab a sponge and clean her bathroom. After – I return to clean the kitchen. Honey is already working on it and asks why there is a cup of coffee in the microwave…………Oh yeah – that’s what happened to my coffee. He would also like to know if the glasses in the dishwasher were clean or dirty………..Oh yeah – never finished unloading it. We finish with the kitchen and adjourn to the patio. I let Nugget out and hook her to the run. I grab my puzzle and my pen and sit down at the table. Honey brings me a Diet Coke and my smokes and I am happy to finally be able to work my puzzle. Nugget wraps her lead around the table leg and spills my Coke all over my puzzle. I swear loudly, smack the dog and throw my puzzle in the trash.

I go inside to put my PJs on. My bed still isn’t made and I still haven’t changed the sheets. The medicine basket is still on the bathroom counter and the sink and tub have dried Scrubbing Bubbles film all over them and I don’t care. I change clothes and head to the garage and turn on the T.V. Honey brings my smokes and a fresh Diet Coke (he is so good to me) and tells me to just relax. I thank him for being so wonderful and snuggle up in my blanket and prepare to veg out in front of the T.V. About then is when Honey asks if I’d washed the shorts he’d asked me to throw in the washer this morning after he saw my list. Well Hell no!

On my way to bed that night I grabbed my list. I looked at it and realized that I hadn’t accomplished one thing on it all day long. I couldn’t cross out anything (I love crossing out more than making the lists). I was starting to feel like a complete failure when a light bulb appeared over my head (or it would’ve had I gone to Wal-Mart). I grabbed my pen and added:

Baby sit boys
Host Dinner Party for neighbors

And then I crossed them off! That was better.

You know what; I’m beginning to think that I may not have ADD after all. I believe I have what is known as TMDD – To Many Damn Distractions.