Who Taught Honey How To Read???

I have come to the conclusion that I have lost my ever-lovin’ mind! What was I thinking when I agreed to have another child?!?!? I would LOVE to be able to blame it on booze but the truth is we actually sat down and had a long discussion about wanting to add another child to our family. I remember it………I just don’t know WHY I agreed to it.

First, I must preface with the fact that I am very glad that Honey and I are going to have this child. Some people tend to over react and call me telling me how awful I am for calling my kids crack heads and reminding me what a gift they truly are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, YOU take them for about a week and then I’ll add the names YOU call them to this blog. I know that children are a gift from God and I know that they are beautiful blessings and all that. I also know that this blog is here to be HUMOROUS so lighten up.

Now, back to my rant. I have now been pregnant for 13 weeks. My Honey is reading his book like it contains clues to the end of the world. He is driving me NUTS with this book. Almost every sentence he utters these days starts with, “My books says…..”. For example, the other day I got home from work around 6p. I’d had a really long and hard day and just wanted to put on my comfy pants and lay on the couch for a bit. Just as I am about to nod off Honey brings me this cup with some sort of hot liquid in it. I asked, “What is this?”. “Chamomile tea” he replies. “Why?” I asked. “My book says it will help you relax and calm down”. Now, I have to give him points for trying to help me but I’ve never drank chamomile tea and quite frankly, hot tea is not on my list of things I would like to consume. I smiled and said, “Thank you baby but I really don’t think I want it”. “You need to drink it” he says, “it will help you relax”. Now, please remember that I was about to FALL ASLEEP when he brought me this steaming cup of God knows what that I DID NOT even ask for. I smiled again and gently said, “I’m not tense, I just want to lay here for a few minutes and then I will be just fine”. Honey smiled back at me and said, “My book says that you need to get plenty of rest and that this tea will help you to calm down after a hard day. You should really drink it. I put honey and sugar in it and I really think you will like it”. Now, if I was to drink ICED tea, I would drink it UNSWEET so why on Earth would he think that putting SUGAR AND HONEY in this tea would be at all appealing to me is completely beyond me. On top of that, he does not seem to be getting my hints that all I really want to do is lay on the couch UNDISTURBED. I looked up at him sweetly and said, “I really don’t think I want the tea but thank you anyway” to which he replied, “my books says….” At which point I cut him off and said in my sweetest tone, “Baby, I really don’t give a flying flip what your book says now just let me LAY HERE FOR A FEW MINUTES!!!!” With that he went back into the kitchen and poured out the bubbling brew he had so lovingly prepared for his beast of a wife all the while mumbling something about how I’d bought the stupid book and if I wasn’t careful I’d be eating it for dinner.

Now, don’t forget, I LOVE my husband but I just could not let this slide. I yelled from the couch, “Oh YEAH! Well, it’s YOUR fault I had to buy YOU the stupid book in the first place!” Didn’t make a lot of sense but I felt better because I got the last word. I laid my head back down and FINALLY began to nod off. About an hour later I awoke to a soft kiss on my cheek and my wonderful husband standing over me holding my dinner plate. He had made my favorite meal; meatloaf, mashed potatoes and English peas and had brought it to me on a tray in the den so I could watch American Idol while I ate. I thanked him and told him I was sorry that I had been just a grouch. I went on to tell him that I was very lucky to have such a wonderful husband and that I should tell him more often how much I appreciate him. At that point I started to bawl because I realized, in all of my hormonal wisdom, that I was the luckiest (sniff) woman (sniff, sniff) on the whole planet. The more I cried the more he smiled (which kind of irritated me). Through my snot and tears I asked him why he was smiling at me when I had been such a troll. Do you know what he said? “Well, my books says………..”

I swear, I’m going to set that dang book on fire – probably after I shove it up his tail!!!