Beans, Bugs and Bad Behavior

Today was Bean’s two month checkup. She weighs 11 pounds and 15 ounces!!! I told you she was getting fat. Anyway, she is 22 ½ inches long and the doctor says she is doing GREAT!! She was so good, she was wide awake, laughing and “talking” to everyone…….until they stuck her in the leg.

We loaded up Bean and Bug this morning and headed to the doctor for our 9:30am appointment. When we arrived at the doctor, at 9:45am, Bug immediately “NEEDED a drink” because they have a water fountain in the lobby. So, I helped her get a drink and that’s when she noticed that there is also a bathroom in the lobby so of course – she has to pee. I took her in the bathroom and she sat on the potty explaining to me about the sink and how she needed to wash her hands and that the nurse was going to open the door and say our name and we were going to stand on the scale and, and, and……. (I just LOVE this age). We sat there for 5 minutes and I finally said, “Do you really need to potty or was that just a story so you could check out the bathroom?” She says, “It was just a lie”. Gotta love that three year old honesty! So, we got off the potty, washed our hands, dried them with 42 paper towels and headed back to the lobby to sit with Honey and Bean until we are called back. We stopped to get another drink from the water fountain and all seemed well…….. for the moment.

We waited about another 10 minutes and were called back to our room. As soon as the nurse opened the door, Bug took off down the hall and hopped on the scale. I tried to explain to her that we were there for Bean’s checkup but she informed me, with her finger pointed, that, “You HAVE to get on the scale at the Doctor Man’s house”. She was not budging until I weighed her (she’s 33 pounds by the way). That seemed to satisfy her and all seemed well……. for the moment.

We went into our assigned room and the nursed closed the door. Bug immediately started to drag the step stool out from under the exam table and slide it over to the sink because she “NEEDS to wash her hands”. Being that she hadn’t touched anything since she washed her hands 10 minutes ago I told her that she didn’t need to and to put the stool back. This did not bode well with the Bug as the lip immediately shot out and she started to cry saying, “But I love my Daddy”. Now, I’m not sure why she thought that my denial of her playing in the sink in the exam room would somehow indicate to her father that she no longer loved him but it would seem that is how she interpreted it. She wrapped herself around his leg and cried and he picked her up (because he likes it to be quite….and he’s a sucker) loved on her and told her that he loved her. The tears immediately stopped and she got down, went to the exam table and began to drag the stool back over to the sink!! I decided that I didn’t want to listen to the next fit so I let her wash her hands. She dried them with 9 paper towels, asked what everything was on the counter, argued with us when we told her what the objects were and then returned the stool to its place. She was satisfied and all seemed well……. for the moment.

The nurse came in and measured Bean. Bug told her all about how Bean was her baby sister and how she was a big helper and, and, and……. The nurse left and we waited for the doctor to come in. Bug now decided that she needed to be on the exam table too so she climbed up the stool and laid down so that she could talk (in a VERY high pitched tone) to Bean. That lasted for about a minute and then she got down. Then she got back up on the table. Then she got back down. We did this 3 times before I said, “Please stop climbing up and down, you’re going to fall and hurt yourself.” To which she responded by sticking out her lip and crying, “But I love my daddy”. Again, her father is obviously such an idiot that he believes her love for him is directly related to ME telling her “no” therefore, she MUST make sure to voice her love for him every time I correct her. She crawled up in his lap and hugged him as tight as she could and shot me a look that said, “Whatcha gonna do now heifer?” I just rolled my eyes because she was finished pitching her fit and all seemed well……. for the moment.

The doctor came in and examined Bean. Bug stood right up his butt informing him that Bean was HER baby sister and she was a big helper and she can hold her and she can put the Nuk in her mouth, and, and, and…….. The doctor said that everything was cool with Bean, explained about the shots she was going to get and left the room. Bug reached under the exam table and started to drag the stool over to the sink. I told her to put the stool back. She started to climb back up on the table and I told her to get down. She started trying to pull things off the wall and I told her to stop. All of this with no fit so I thought maybe things were getting better………for the moment.

The nurse came back in to administer FOUR shots into my poor baby girl’s legs. I held her hands and talked to her and she smiled at me and laughed and then………the first stick. She screamed bloody murder. The nurse was great and got all 4 shots done lightening fast. I loved on my baby girl and got her dressed and as I reached for a tissue to dry MY tears Honey reached out to pick up the Bean and feed her. I slapped his hand and asked, “WHAT do you think you’re doing?” “Uh, I was going to feed her” he replied. “I don’t THINK so.” I said. I’ll be danged if he thinks I’m going to be the one that holds her down and allows strangers to ram needles into her legs and then HE is going to swoop in and be the hero!! So, I took the bottle, cradled my baby and began to feed her. Honey gathered up all of our stuff and we headed to the lobby so I could finish feeding her before we loaded up in the car. She had calmed down and was happily drinking her bottle and all seemed well………for the moment.

During our exchange about how I was not going to allow Honey to be the good guy, Bug had managed to drag that dang stool over to the sink and was now whining because she had soap on her hands and couldn’t turn on the water. Honey chastised her for going back to wash her hands for the 3rd time in less than an hour (I’m convinced she has OCD) but he turned on the water and helped her rinse off. As she dried her hands on 14 paper towels I informed her that she was LUCKY that Daddy was dealing with her because I would’ve popped her butt because she had been told SEVERAL times not to play around in that sink. Out came the lip but before she could speak I said, “I know, you LOVE your daddy. That’s great – now put on your coat.” She put on her coat and we headed to the lobby. I sat down to finish feeding Bean and Bug informed Honey that she needed a drink but that she could do it all by herself. So, because he is a doting father (and a sucker that will just never learn” he let her get a drink all by herself. The next sound I hear is her crying at the top of her lungs because she had gotten water all over her shirt and somehow down on leg of her pants. Honey tried to comfort her and dry her off (with ONE paper towel) but she wasn’t having it. The next thing I see is Bug pulling her pants down (along with her panties) in the middle of the lobby (that is filled with people) because she (and please hear the whiny voice) “Don’t want to wear cold pants”. Honey told her that she had to keep her clothes on and that the (quarter sized) wet spot would dry soon. To which she replied, “But I LOVE you!” as she tried to pull her pants down again (Lord only KNOWS what the other people in the lobby were thinking). They went back and forth like that for a minute and then Honey announces that they are going to the car to watch The Incredibles, grabbed the diaper bag and Bug and headed out the door.

I finished feeding Bean, strapped her in her seat and headed to the car. We had an uneventful ride home because Bug was watching TV. We got to the house and Honey took Bug in so he could fix her lunch. I got Bean out and took her in to dose her with Tylenol and put her down for a nap (we all know how “shot day” is on a newborn). I answered a few emails and got ready to head to my office. Bug whined about not wanting to eat her lunch “because it was touching” (see – OCD). She finally announced that she was finished so Honey got her out of her chair, I kissed her and she went to her room to take a nap.

I gathered up all my stuff and kissed Honey good-bye. On the monitor we could hear two children sleeping peacefully. I smiled at Honey and wished him luck. He sat down in his chair and turned on his Playstation to try and finish the football game he’s been playing for 3 days. I told him to call if he needed anything and that I would try to come home a little early since the Bean was going to be cranky because of her shots. He smiled and said, “Don’t worry about me Baby, I got this”. I kissed him again and gave him a smile that said, “I’m sure you do” but in my head all I could hear was, “Yeah…….for the moment”.