Vending Machine Violations

Ok – if you know me you know that I have a chemical dependency. Some would even label my affliction as an “addiction” or even go so far as to call me a “junkie”. As I’m sure you’ve all heard a million times, the first step in getting better is to admit you have a problem, so here goes. Hi, my name is Syd and I am a Diet Coke addict. Whew, I feel better already. However, my outlook wasn’t quite so sunny about 15 minutes ago…….

I buy Diet Coke by the 12 pack. When it’s on sale I stock up – there will sometimes be upwards of 5 cases of Diet Coke in my shed. I have a small fridge at work and I usually bring a 12 pack to work so that I don’t have to pay 55 cents a piece for them in the vending machine. I ran out last week and forgot to bring in a new 12 pack so I have been forced to shell out my cash in order to feed my habit since last Thursday (mental note, put friggin cokes in the car when you get home). Now, I don’t mind feeding the vending machine in order to taste that sweet nectar, however, I do expect a few things when I pump in my change. #1 – I expect there to be Diet Coke in the machine. #2 – I expect for the machine to actually dispense my beverage when I press the button. #3 – I expect the machine to give me correct change and #4 – I expect that if none of the above apply for the machine to give me back the exact same amount of money that I put in. It would seem that the company that services our machines (no names but it rhymes with Tartan and starts with an S) does not agree with my expectations.

Last Thursday, I entered the break room to purchase my beloved Diet Coke. I put my dollar in the machine, press the Diet Coke button and ……….nothing. Sold Out scrolled across the little LED panel. Dang it! Now, this is the ONLY machine that has Diet Coke and it only has ONE “spot” for them. I can get every bloomin variety of Dr. Pepper on the planet but there is only one Diet Coke……..whatever. Anyway, I scan the other drink machine and the only thing in it that I can actually fathom drinking is water. Yes, there is a water fountain about 4 steps away but I have to have something to carry back to my office and sit on my coaster. I decide that I can settle for water and I insert my 55 cents (the other machine “changed” my dollar) into this machine and press the Water button and ……..nothing. However this time it wasn’t the machine was out of water – it simply ate my 55 cents. This left me standing there with 45 cents and no friggin drink. I stomp back to my office but not before stopping by the Facilities office to complain. I get back to my office and call one of my techs that was gone to lunch and asked him to bring me a Diet Coke. I guess he has been around long enough to have noticed my addiction because he brought me two.

On Friday, the guy from Facilities came by to let me know that the vending machine guy was there to fix the machines and fill up the Diet Coke “for me” (like I’m the only one that drinks them). Anyway, later in the day I go back to the break room to attempt to get a beverage. I brought a crisp $1 bill with me as not to anger the machine. I inserted my money and pressed the Diet Coke button. The LED scrolled VEND and I heard the beautiful sound of my Diet Coke falling down the shoot. I retrieved my beverage and my change………my 25 cents in change. Huh? $1.00 - $ .55 = $ .25??? Whatever, I had my coke and I cheerfully went back to my office. I went through this 3 more time during the day so I wound up spending $3 on 4 cokes when I could’ve bought a 12 pack for $3.59! I went home for the weekend and didn’t think to tell the Facilities guy or remember to bring a 12 pack to work today.

This morning I went to the break room first thing. I didn’t have correct change so I again spent 75 cents for a beverage. Around noon I needed another fix but this time I was smart. I was going to get Animal Crackers to munch on so I would buy them first and then have correct change for the Coke machine – HA! I passed the Coke machine and hit the snack machine. I inserted my dollar and waited for my credit to appear. A few seconds go buy and I see my dollar slowing coming back out of the slot like it was being rejected. I pulled it out so that I could try again but the end of my dollar was now MISSING. I mean the machine literally ATE my dollar. It was completely jagged and mangled. Needless to say, I lost it! I am standing there yelling at this stupid machine and telling it all about the problems I’d been having with the drink machine in an effort to make it fully understand the magnitude of the situation. Personally I think it was ignoring me as the end of my currency wasn’t returned. However, I am fairly certain that the sandwich machine got the point and will NEVER give me any problems.

From one of the tables, one of the ladies I work with offered me 50 cents. I had my quarter left over from that morning plus a dime and a nickel that I found in my office floor. I took 55 cents and gave her my torn up dollar and my remaining change and stuck it in the Coke machine. It must’ve heard me yelling at the friggin snack machine because it immediately spit out my Diet Coke without hesitation. It also gave me back a QUARTER! So, I flipped it to the kind woman that had afforded me the beverage, thanked her for her kindness, apologized for subjecting her to my hissy fit and returned to my office to vent........and drink my Diet Coke.

Wheeeew – I feel better getting that off my chest. Thanks for reading. I’ve got to run now, one of my guys just informed me that Schnuck’s has 12 packs 4 for $10. Gotta stock up.